


Blue

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Minor John Egbert/Dave Strider, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation, Unrequited Love, everyone lives on earth, far more, i'll try to update regularly, there'll be more characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 16:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2738639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert has never had the pleasure of meeting a troll before, but that all changes when Karkat Vantas starts going to school with him. He discovers the great mysteries that are trolls as his school gains more of them and he gains more great friends-- or more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> sorry the summary sucks but i promise the fic is much better, just give it a shot ^^  
> also, my paragraphs look so pathetic when they're spread out like this..

This was the day when you met Karkat. 

 

Four days into the seventh grade, the door had been thrown open during first period English to reveal none other than a grumpy looking, nubby horned troll (standing with the principal, of course.) There were small gasps of alarm and surprise– half because _is that a **troll**_ and half because he had literally barged into class.

 

Now, it wasn't as if trolls were new to society. You think they covered it briefly in history once– their sun blew up about sixty years ago and their empress managed to get about an eighth of the population onto some massive ship and fly it out into space, and eventually they found earth. By then, though, they'd mutinied, and with only a few other... nobles? You can't remember the technical word. With only a few others on her side, despite the fact that she was not lacking power by any means, she fell to her own people. 

 

Since then trolls had been commonplace on Earth, bringing with them their odd culture, speech patterns, and technology. However, they were more concentrated in certain areas, and your hometown was not one of them. In fact, you'd only seen a few trolls in your life, and heard nasty rumors about the species as a whole. You'd never actually met one, much less had one in one of your classes. But here was Karkat Vantas, in all his short, sweater-clad glory. Within a few moments the principal had abandoned him with your class.

 

You could already tell he wouldn't like the teacher much.

 

"Hello, Karkat, why don't you tell us a little about yourself? We went through our own introductions a few days ago, I hope you don't mind getting to know everyone on your own."

 

She was the kind of teacher that had everyone introduce themselves like it was the third grade.

 

"My name is Karkat, and for fuck's sake it's not Kar, or Karkles, or whatever other dumbass thing people tell you. I like pieces of cinematic masterpiece that most primitive nose-scratching nincompoops can't even begin to comprehend. I ask you very kindly to stop staring at me like my horns are purple because I used to go to an all troll school rather than this clusterfuck of gawking pink imbeciles. Thank you and have a good day." 

 

He proceeded to unceremoniously drop his books in the seat next to yours and even more recklessly plop down into the seat, and the hour continued as normal. Apparently the teacher had been warned about his mouth or something, because at least for the time being he wasn't receiving a week of detention.

You discovered you had three other classes with this troll, and, while heading to a class you shared with a few eighth graders, also discovered that he had a very talkative brother of similar horn size. 

The fifth day of the seventh grade was the day you decided to befriend Karkat Vantas. 

Though your friends often playfully mocked you for being a little slow on the uptake, you quickly recognized that Karkat had fallen prey to a certain group of eighth graders that happened to have an amount of prejudice against trolls that was unfortunately characteristic of this particular region. They'd already found a way to mock him, that being his nubby horns. You admired his bravery- he'd promptly sneered and asked them where _their_ horns were. 

This had only earned him a swing at his face as you watched, cringing, from your lunch table. You nearly stood in alarm as the troll began yelling, almost screaming, though you couldn't make out exactly what he was saying.

This turned out to be the day when you would both receive your first black eye. 

You finally stood, half-scaring your friends as you swung around and knocked someone's milk into the floor. You reminded yourself to get them another one when you got back, but this was a more important matter. You quickly reached the bathroom where Karkat's screams were being elicited. 

You were surprised to find out that the group had not caused any blood loss since that first punch to the mouth, which was likely still bleeding, judging by the way Karkat was covering it as he screamed curses and insults. 

"Go on, _troll boy_ , why don't you uncover your mouth there and fight back." Something flashed in Karkat's eyes- fear? Anger? It was too hard to tell from this distance. One of the eighth graders stepped forward, beginning to swing another punch at the grey skinned boy's face. You quickly stopped him with a short yell.

 

"Leave him alone!," you called, quite predictably. It was enough to distract them, though. 

 

"What do you want, Egdufus?" You choked back a laugh as Karkat rolled his eyes, presumably at the other boy's rather pathetic insult.

"I told you. Stop picking on tro– Karkat." You paused. "Please?"

The other boy sneered. "Really? Gonna ask nicely like your momma told you?" You winced at the mention of your mother, whom you had never known. The eighth grader turned to Karkat. "I'll take care of you in a minute."

As he turned to face you, you swung your arm. It connected with his cheek, and pain blossomed in your hand. He cringed for a moment before smirking again. "That hurt, Egdufus?" Your hand did, in fact, hurt. That didn't last long, as you'd soon been restrained by one of his friends and were getting your own punch to the eye. That’s what hurt like hell. 

There was more yelling and Karkat was punched again, this time in the gut. You realized, perhaps a bit late, that he'd been trying to save you. Within moments, though, you were dropped messily onto the floor, which your head hit with a painful clunk. You heard a voice. "Let's get out of here."

Soon enough the bullies had cleared out of the bathroom, leaving you with Karkat. "You okay?," you asked, looking up at him. "I've always hated those guys."

"I don't need to know about your blackflirting habits, Egdufus," Karkat nearly growled, his face tinted slightly red. "Besides, you got punched in the eye. I guess the courteous thing to do is ask if you're okay." He grumbles it this time. 

You raised an eyebrow, but proceeded anyway. "Egbert."

"What?"

"That's my name. John Egbert."

"It's a stupid name."

"Thanks." You'd long grown used to your name, and now people making fun of it rarely elicited more than a laugh or joking agreement.

"Anyway, let's get you cleaned up! Move your hand, I'll take you to the nurse to see if she needs to do anything about that lip." You grinned, despite the pain, and sat up, eye level with Karkat to inspect the injury. You were promptly yelled at. 

"I don't need you getting near my blood, fuckass!"

Did he seriously just say _fuckass?_

"I'm just trying to help," you protested, grabbing his wrist in an attempt to access his injury. He proceeded to fight back, wrestling you back onto the ground whilst managing to keep the bloody area covered. Eventually, though, since you're rolling around on the floor, he had to uncover it, revealing blood the color of your own.

"Don't look at it!" He yelled. "Keep your prying eyes off my fucking hideous mutant blood!"

You blinked. 

And stared.

There was a moment of awkward silence before you raised an eyebrow. "Your blood seems normal to me. I mean, it's the same color as literally everyone's I've ever met."

This was the day you discovered having red blood like a human's was a mutation in trolls.

This was also the day Karkat Vantas spent the remaining ten minutes of lunch at your table (after cleaning both of you up) and everyone there had the pleasure of listening to him rant about how he saved your life.


	2. Chapter 1: Land of Losers and Alien Rejects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets a locker neighbor, an old friend shows up, Vriska isn't the nicest person ever, and Karkat gets steadily more grumpy.

Today is the day you discover the locker next to yours, though empty for the past week, is now getting a tenant.  
That tenant is Karkat Vantas.

He groans as he approaches locker 412. "You're fucking kidding me right now. My locker is right next to _yours?_?" Despite how friendly you've been to him since meeting, he appears to hate you, enough to never want to talk to you. Rose simply laughed and said you'd figure it out later, but you aren't so sure.

"C'mon, Karkat, this could be fun!" You grin, still trying. "You an' me, locker buddies! Besides, I'll make sure you don't get shoved into yours," you joke.  
Naturally, that's exactly what happens. Karkat curiously does not make an appearance in the lunchroom that day. You make your way back to your locker afterwards to here someone banging on the door of the one next to yours- from the inside. 

You peek incredulously through the little slits. A shape is there, and though you can't exactly see it well enough to tell who it is, the yellow, slightly glowing eyes alongside angry yells immediately give it away. "Karkat?"  
"No, your long lost cousin George from Fuck Three Two, No Where Street, proud resident of Assholeville. Who do you think?"

You just laugh, the squint hurting your eye. It'd been fun explaining that one to your dad. However, considering you'd never gotten into a fight and didn't lie often, it hadn't been difficult to convince him you'd tripped. You were clumsy enough, anyway.  
"Anyway, what's your locker combination, Karkat?" He sighs.

"6, 20, 6," he answers. "Get me the fuck out of here." You quickly enter the locker combination, swinging it open to allow the short troll to stumble out into the hallway. Despite the fact that you're 5'5 at best, Karkat hardly passes for 5 feet tall. It makes you feel a little less short in your group of friends. Dave is some sort of giant in your opinion at 5'10. Rose is about 2 inches taller than you, and Jade just under her. It's not fair, in your opinion, but Karkat came storming in, all nubby in his clothes that are excessively large on him, bumping you up to second shortest. This explains why he was able to even fit in the locker.

"I guess I lied," you shrug, opening your own locker. "I wasn't able to keep that from happening." The troll merely grumbles from beside you as he digs out his stuff for the next class. "You have math with me next, don't you?" You ask, perfectly aware that that is the case. Karkat nods. "Grumpy, aren't you?"  
"Excuse me, did you just come out of a locker too or did I miss something?"  
"Point taken."

You clutch your books close to your chest, starting down the noisy hallway with Karkat close behind. "So anyway, I guess you haven't eaten," you start, trying to make to conversation with the angry troll. He messes with the corner of his math book.  
"Yeah, I'm starving now. Thanks for coming to my rescue, Egbert, but I really could used that _before_ lunch was over and done with." You frown, nearly pouting as you look down at Karkat.

"I may give you some leftovers from mine," you offer, "if you stop being such a grump, at least a little." Karkat let's out a breathy sigh, but you know that not even the short tempered troll can resist the cake you reject day after day. "Fine, Egbert. It's all puppies and rainbows at the Vantas residence, yesiree, I am having the greatest fucking time up here in the Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory." You pull a face of confusion, and your question is simple.  
"What?"  
"Oh, delicate John, would you prefer the term Rainbow Rumpus Party Town? Because I can _surely_ change to that." He snarls the word surely, but for reasons unbeknownst to you, he's giving you a tiny smirk. The upturn of one half of his dark lips stops, though, when he finds you notice.  
"Something an old friend made up," he grumbles as you enter the classroom. "Don't bother asking."  
\---  
Today is the day you find out who that friend was.

It is exactly five weeks and one day into the seventh grade when there is another addition to your English class, who also happens to be a troll. The addition's name is Terezi Pyrope, and she and Karkat have what can only be described as a joyful reunion upon their meeting. It goes a little like this.

"Welcome to the class, Terezi! That is a very nice.. er.. dragon cane you have there. Tell us about yourself."

"My name is Terezi Pyrope. I like justice and everything colorful, especially red, since it tastes the best. I'm blind, and.. wait a sec.. Karkles?"

The other troll visibly winces at the nickname. "Hey, Terezi. Nice to see you're joining the party in what I have dubbed Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory the second." The new girl gives a cackling laugh and is seated a few rows up as Karkat is provided extra work and the threat of a referral regarding his "poor choice of language."

Today is also the day your table is fondly given a name by the other students of your lunch rotation.

That is, your table is dubbed "The Land of Losers and Alien Rejects."

Terezi sits at your table at lunch that day, calmly eating a red piece of chalk. You honestly don't want to know, and that seems to be the unanimous case, as nobody asks. You don't know, but you think you notice Dave staring at Terezi a little more than is normal, even for someone who's eating chalk. The troll doesn't notice, though, so you don't say anything. Lunch goes on like that for a while, with everyone having normal conversations as well as asking Terezi about her self.

It's honestly kind of frightening that the only out of the ordinary thing anyone says is, "John, might I ask why exactly you feel the need to adopt every troll into our social circle? I have nothing against them, but I don't see why it should be so hard for them to find someone who's not us to be friends with." This is quickly resolved when you explain Karkat used to know Terezi. Lunch goes on "normally" after that until a girl approaches the table. 

"Well, well, wellllllll," she grins, crossing her arms as she reaches you. You inwardly groan, and you're sure the rest of the table does as well, except maybe Terezi- no, she audibly groans. How does Terezi..  
"Looks like I found an old FLARPing partner," Vriska grins, looking straight at the blind girl. Terezi stared back, despite the fact that you know she can't see Vriska. "Whaaaaaaaat, are you still blaming me for that accident with the fireworks, Terezi? I thought we were past that. Once a Scourge Sister, always a Scourge Sister." You are suddenly very curious about the history between these two, but you don't plan on asking. Vriska likes you best, so you choose to be the one to interrupt for the sake of your friends.

"Vriska, I'm really glad you can have this little reunion, but can you take it elsewhere or something?" You sigh. "No offense, but we were having a private conversation." Over whether Nic Cage was a good actor or not, but hey, things were getting pretty heated.  
"No thanks," she grins, placing one elbow on the table to rest her head upon the hand. Her other arm, the prosthetic one, drapes along the table in front of her. "This is too interesting. Your table is becoming the center of negative activity! I overheard the guys at the table next to mine talking about it. They gave you guys the cutest name, want to hear?"  
You blank out, lifting the note from where it's been tossed into your lap rather than listen to the words "The Land of Losers and Alien Rejects" for the second time this chapter. The note is in Dave's scratchy handwriting, complete with his signature red pen.  
 _don't worry about vriska. you know she's just being a racist bitch since that troll from her old school rejected her last year. obviously she doesn't have the best relationship with terezi, either._ It goes on to ramble with some metaphor about Vriska's hatred for trolls. You smile before scribbling one back in your own blue.  
 _i guess you're right, but i sure hope she doesn't make terezi mad! seems like she's trying._ It's short, but you're two feet away from each other, jeez. By now, Vriska's left, but you drift off into thought for a moment.  
When did racist become a word used for prejudice against trolls again? You're not sure. You're pretty positive the words speciesist and trollist fell out of use almost immediately after their conception, though. They still alienate the trolls. You're glad you have friends who don't care for people who want to make trolls seem like animals or freaks.  
Lunch is peaceful after that. Soon enough, it's time to go back to class. You've noticed recently that Karkat's been giving you more glares and sarcastic remarks than usual. You think about it absentmindedly as you walk back to your locker. Maybe he's sick. Or maybe one of his classes is too hard- you don't recall him mentioning, though. Is he getting stressed out in any of the classes you share with him? You don't think so. Perhaps he has some sort of troll condition that comes around once in a while. No, that would be dumb. You're thinking about asking him when you run into the troll in question. You barely stumble backwards, but Karkat is knocked to the ground in a flurry of books and papers.  
"Oh! Sorry, Karkat, want some hel—"  
"Shut the fuck up, Egbert, I don't need your pity." You raise an eyebrow.  
"I was just being courteous—"  
"I said shut your protein shoot. I can look after myself."  
"But—"  
Karkat hurls something at you— his pencil bag. It doesn't hurt _that_ bad when it hits you in the face, but you have to wonder what he _keeps_ in that thing.

"Karkat, can you quit being an asshole for five minutes?" You groan. By now he's already pulling stuff out of his locker and shoving other things back. He doesn't respond. "What's wrong with you?" You try again. Silence. You shake his shoulder. "Karkat, fucking answer me!"  
With that, he storms off down the hallway.


	3. Chapter 2: Spades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gets progressively grumpier and John is perpetually oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pesterlogs man

GG: so is he really acting that weird?   
EB: yeah, he's being a complete asshole!   
GG: ...   
EB: i mean more of an asshole than usual. duh.   
GG: well. this sounds like a psychological something or other to me. have you asked rose?   
EB: ugh, yeah. she just laughed and told me i'd figure if out soon enough.   
GG: this sure is a pickle.   
EB: you bet it is! :( karkat's one of my bros, i don't want him to.. i don't know what this is. to stop being friends with me, i guess.   
EB: siiiiiiiigh.   
GG: i guess there's not much you can really do. maybe wait for him to tell you on his own?   
EB: like hell i'll wait for that. he wouldn't even tell me when i asked him!   
GG: what'd he say?   
EB: he just stormed off!   
GG: rude.   
EB: no kidding.   
GG: maybe you should ask dave?   
GG: i mean, psychological mumbo jumbo isn't really his thing, but he and karkat get along well enough.   
GG: in some perverse way.   
EB: hehe, you got that right. their relationship is so weird.   
EB: but i guess i will ask dave. right now, though, i have to get to school!  
GG: so do i! bye!

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 7:49 AM

You sigh as you push away from your desk, standing up after the computer chair rolls to a stop. It's been another week, and Karkat hasn't ceased being a jerk. You honestly think he's gotten worse. Not only has he refused to accept any help from you in the last few days, he's begun throwing more insults your way than usual. You'd even tried being extra nice to him and he'd proceeded to yell at you.

You honestly wonder how the troll stays out of detention.

With another dramatic sigh, you stand, pushing the chair neatly back under the desk. You take a moment to gather your things, smiling fondly as you pull your favorite blue hoodie over your head. It's been getting chilly, besides the fact that it's only early September. You sling your backpack over your shoulder and exit the house, hoping today will be the magical day that Karkat decides to be a bit less mean.

This, of course, proves to not be the case.

You greet him at your locker, like every day. "Hi, Karkat!" His typical reply of "shut up Egbert" quickly follows. You sigh (again) exasperatedly. "Jeez. Just trying to be nice."

You both make your way to English, sliding into your set next to Karkat just before the bell rings. You slump down in the chair, resting your head on one hand. Suddenly, your face lights up with an idea.

You rip a piece of paper out of your notebook, quickly scribbling something down in blue pen.

_kaaaaaaaarkat. come on, dude, tell me what's up!_

You place it on the desk in front of him, and he scowls before responding.

_HONESTLY, JOHN, YOU MUST BE THE DUMBEST PIECE OF SHIT IN THE HUMAN RACE IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT BY NOW. I'M PRETTY SURE ROSE ALREADY DID, WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBSKULL?_

You chuckle quietly to yourself as Karkat passes the note back to you. You've known since he added you on pesterchum weeks ago that Karkat both wrote and typed in all caps. The teacher had gotten into him for it more than once, but he'd begun writing in a way that emphasizes letters that really should be capitalized. Even so, it's hilarious watching them argue. Almost as funny as when the teacher found out Terezi replaced certain letters with numbers.  
You have such an interesting friend group.

You scribble back another message.  
 _you know I tried. she just gave me some "you'll figure it out" crap!_

You go back and forth like that for a while before the teacher stops rambling and finally assigns something. The class proceeds as normal for a while, but Karkat eventually passes another note to you.  
 _HEY. ASSHOLE. WHAT'S THE ANSWER TO NUMBER 8?_  
You raise an eyebrow.  
 _karkat, you have to write a paragraph summarizing the reading._

_YEAH. I REALIZE THIS. I DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING IT._

_i can't write it for you.._

_I WILL FORCE YOU._

_karkat, you can't force someone to write._

_WATCH ME, ASSHOLE._

Luckily, before he can force you to write, the bell rings, dismissing you from class. You stand up to exit, but not before something hits you in the back of the head. Confused, you turn to pick it up, looking at it as you leave the class last. It's a small, crumpled up piece of paper with only one thing on it, a small symbol. You squint to see it properly.

_♠️._

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you have a problem.  
Now, you are not a stupid troll. Not to mention you are extremely well versed in romance of every quadrant. Which is why you immediately had a horrible sinking feeling in your stomach when you realized you hated John Egbert in the least platonic way.

This, of course, was complicated for multiple reasons.

John is way too nice. You are pretty sure he's incapable of hatred, especially romantic hatred, which was naturally one of the reasons you hate him so much. His cheerful demeanor irks you to no end, and the ever present grin on his face makes you want to punch him. In fact, despite the fact that you'd just met him, you'd felt a burning jealousy in your gut when that older kid had punched you in the stomach. It was hours later when you recalled this moment that you first realized you had a caliginous crush on him. You're getting off track, though.

One of the other reasons you deeply regret this uncontrollable phenomenon is that John is a human. You can't say you have nothing against humans, but the fact that he's a human is not a reason you shouldn't have a crush, it's the fact that nine times out of ten, humans just don't get quadrants. The idiots stick to one type of romance, rather than the four complex emotional bonds trolls partake in. For this reason and the fact that John is so tantalizingly without hate, you doubt he would ever reciprocate your feelings. Unfortunately for you, this means you are left with a heart full of hate.

That doesn't stop you from trying.

Sort of.

Just because you're a master of romance, and the fact that you refuse to give up, does not mean you're going to go right up to John and inform him of your caliginous woe. No, you're going to be subtle about it. That was the plan from the beginning, of course. You are now exasperated to find that John is so annoyingly, horribly, _hateably_ oblivious. This is what led you to leave him the small picture of a spade. Unfortunately, he remained as clueless as ever.  
Now is the time to talk to him

_carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:04 PM_

CG: HEY. HEY YOU. YES, YOU, CAPTAIN OF THE ASSHOLE KINGDOM WHO REFUSES TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.  
EB: karkat, you're the one pestering me.  
CG: THAT'S NOT THE POINT HERE. THE POINT IS THAT YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE WHO IS TOO NICE.  
EB: i think you just contradicted yourself.  
EB: doesn't being an asshole typically entail being not nice?  
EB: in that case, it looks like you're the asshole! :B  
CG: UGH. THAT RIDICULOUS FUCKING EMOTE.  
CG: HAVE I EVER MENTIONED HOW MUCH I HATE IT?  
EB: exactly 32 times as of now.  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
EB: you asked.  
EB: why are you pestering me anyway?  
CG: I HAVE IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR YOU DECIPHER.  
CG: <3<

_ carcinoGeneticist [CG] gave up on trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:09 PM _

EB: what does that mean?  
EB: wait, karkat!  
EB: ugh


	4. Chapter 3: In Which John Finally Figures it Out For Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finally does something useful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter title idea by BreakALeg because was the chapter REALLY about cheese please

You are John Egbert again, and you are once again seeking council with Rose Lalonde.

You think it sucks that this is at all necessary, but you have a last resort for a reason. The little.. what was it? Fish? Emote he sent you last night put you over the edge. You have gone on too long without having an explanation!

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 9:43 AM

EB: hey, rose.  
TT: Hello, John.   
EB: i'm sorry to say it, but I am in need of your limitless knowledge.  
TT: Flattery will get you no where, John. But what is it you need?   
EB: can you tell me what's going on with Karkat?  
TT: I'm intrigued. Please elaborate.  
EB: you know what I mean. he's been acting like more of an asshole lately, you know, more than normal.  
EB: and he refuses to let me be nice to him!  
EB: not only that, but he is coming up with the most elaborate insults.   
EB: have you ever been called an "atrocious clusterfuck of every deplorable quality imaginable, bundled up into one huge ball of blathering idiot that needs to shut is mouth before I injure it with all disregard to the medium in which it's pain is being caused?"  
TT: I can't say I have.   
TT: However, what is going on here is painfully obvious to me.   
TT: Because of this, I'm not going to tell you anything.   
EB: aw, come on!  
TT: No, this is all too amusing.   
TT: Why won't you do your own research on troll behaviour? It certainly can't hurt, and I assure you this little issue of yours will be solved if you dig deep enough. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 9:52 AM

It is Saturday, a day typically assigned to watching movies and talking to your friends. Rose is apparently requesting you spend the day researching. In your opinion, that is one of the worst ideas you've ever heard.

Instead, you decide to do something fun. There is a pizza place just up the street, and you have money saved up from your past few allowances. If that doesn't imply that you should ask Karkat and Dave to go hang out at Cheese Please Pizzeria, you don't know what does.  
\--  
"I can't believe I agreed to this," Karkat groans loudly as you lead him and Dave down the street. "Why the fuck would I want to go eat with Egbert the Asshole and Strider the Stupid?"

Dave shrugs. "I'm pretty sure you can answer that question for yoursel-"

"Don't say a word, Strider." The blonde in question smirks. That's it, the two have successfully confused you.

"Anyway," you interrupt, "we're going to the pizza place for several reasons! I'm hungry, I have money, and to spite Rose." They couldn't glean much information from that, right? It wasn't difficult to be irritated by Rose, if simply because she always seemed to know more about people's problems than they did. Take, for example, the time Dave couldn't get his brother to pay for their group to go laser tagging. It turned out Rose new all along that Dave still owed Bro ten dollars and was simply refusing to tell him.

"I _guess_ that makes sense," Karkat grumbled before adding under his breath, "but it doesn't make me not want to bash your face in." You, however, are none the wiser to the nature of his words. Karkat usually wants to bash your face in. This is no news. This fact doesn't stop Dave from rolling his eyes.

It doesn't take long for you to arrive at the pizzeria. While Karkat rambles about how this place is probably a piece of shit, you and Dave locate a table and sit. By the time the waitress can ask what you all want to drink, Karkat is describing the seats with a metaphor involving three cows, an alley cat and a cheese grater.

"Coke," Dave tells the waitress.

"Pepsi, _please._ " You glare at Dave. He shakes his head as you mouth, " _Manners._ "

Karkat pauses his rant, nearly breathless, before responding "Sprite." You stare at him. He groans. "Please."

After the waitress disappears into the crowd, You push a fist down on the table.  
"You guys have terrible manners."

To your amazement, both of them laugh.  
"Egbert, you are the biggest nerd I've ever met," Karkat says almost fondly. Dave nods in agreement. Despite your irritation, you can only smile. It's rare the two of them ever agree on anything, and for once Karkat seems relatively happy, even if it is at your expense.

The moment is broken when the waitress arrives again, and your face falls when Karkat returns to his trademark frown. It's really too bad, his smile is so cute.  
Cute?  
You dismiss the thought; it was only a slip of the mind.

The waitress asks what you want to order. You suddenly realize you'd not discussed what kind of pizza to get. Before you ask the others, though, Dave answers her rather loudly. "Pepperoni."  
Karkat glares at him. "No fucking way, we're getting ham."  
"Are you kidding? Ham is nothing. Pepperoni is a bright red rush of spicy meaty goodness bursting in your mouth like a tiny firecracker being lit by a spit soaked leprechaun."

You sigh, interrupting. "Ma'm, can you get us a medium ham and pepperoni?" The other two grumble reluctantly in agreement and the relieved waitress absconds to get your pizza.

The wait for your medium ham and pepperoni is uneventful save for Dave casually spilling his coke into Karkat's lap.

Once the food arrives, the table is silent if you don't count all the violently chewing pubescent boys. It's at least fifteen minutes before another word is spoken, and that is to argue over who doesn't get a third piece. Dave and Karkat end up finishing off the pizza.

All in all, nothing more happens that is worth noting. When you get home, however, you decide to heed Jade's advice from yesterday, rather than Rose's, simply because hers was delivered in quite possibly the most smug manner she could have managed.

You message Dave.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:12 PM

EB: hey dave!   
TG: sup  
EB: that's your response to everything.   
EB: but I don't have time to laugh about it!   
EB: there are important things to figure out!   
TG: i have to ask a very important question egbert  
TG: what the heck are you talking about?  
EB: karkat   
EB: i'm talking about karkat!   
TG: what about him  
TG: kindly elaborate for your confused bro here  
EB: you're so much like your sister it's scary sometimes.   
EB: it is about his being an asshole.   
TG: i thought we'd established that as normal.  
EB: have you not noticed?   
EB: he's more of an asshole than usual lately.   
TG: well. let's see.  
TG: he agreed to go to the pizzeria with you.  
EB: reluctantly!   
TG: bro, you're probably overreacting.  
EB: he keeps showing me spades.   
TG: like the shovel?  
EB: no, the card suit.   
TG: ...  
EB: ...   
TG: ... oh, right, forgot about that.  
EB: what?   
TG: you're the most oblivious dude I know, egbert. it's actually kind of cute. 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBioligist [EB] at 2:27 PM

EB: argh!  
EB: what is it with you people logging out on me?

\--  
 _spades_  
spades card suit  
troll spades  
troll culture spades  
trolls spades card suits  
  
Your recent google searches are a mess. However, you think you may have found something.

_**Troll Romance 101: Quadrants** _  
_By Juli and Kiijon Shriva_  
 _Humans think about one kind of romance. It's a simple concept: romance is non-platonic love, correct? While that may be true for humans, it is far from the truth for trolls. Trolls' romance is based in quadrants. Each of these is typically represented by a card suit. There are two ways they can be divided: into red and black, and into those regarding reproduction and those that are more fundamentally platonic._

  
_The first is matespritship, which is the most similar to human romance. It can be defined, simply, as being in love. Matespritship is one of the two quadrants dealing with reproduction. The two people within a matespritship are called matesprites, and one who wants to be in a matespritship with someone else is "flushed for them" or has a "flushed crush." Matespritship is represented by a heart._

  
_The second 'red' quadrant, or quadrant dealing with positive feelings, is moiraillegiance. It can be best equated to human emotions as a best friend, but it's more than being soulmate best friends. A moirail is the protector of their moirail's heart. Moirails balance and complete each other. They keep each other grounded. Wanting to be moirails with someone is described as a "pale crush." Moiraillegiance is represented by a diamond._

  
_The other two quadrants are associated with negative feelings, and like red romance, there is one dealing with reproduction and one that is, in human minds, platonic. Kismesisship can be most easily described as your greatest rival. Kismesises not only wish to injure each other, outdo each other and insult each other, they also kiss, hold hands and do other things that couples do. They relish each other's pain and hate each other, but don't want each other to die. Wanting to be in a kismesiship with someone is called. "caliginous" or "black" crush. Kismesiship is represented by the spade._

You stop reading before you get to auspistice. So that's it. Karkat hates you.. but not platonically. It's a difficult concept to grasp. Troll romance is odd.  
But Karkat has a black crush? On you?  
What did you ever do to make him hate you? You don't know whether to be flattered or offended. In fact, you're unsure of whether you should confront Karkat about it. The article described all four as a type of romance, and Karkat is a boy. You're pretty positive it doesn't really apply to trolls, but as for you, you are not a homosexual. You don't realize you've been sitting in your room pondering troll romance for hours until your dad calls, asking if you're going to sleep any time soon.  
Turn's out it's nearly midnight.  
"Yeah, night, dad!" you call out, tired now that you realize it. You can try and figure out what to do about Karkat's crush later.  
Now is the time for sleep.


	5. Chapter 4: In Which There Are Cat Girls, Vampire Girls and Fish Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timeskip happens, new characters are introduced and maybe Rose has a crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure whether to insert another chapter in front of this.. Does it skip too much? Of love some input uwu

Today is the day you start the eighth grade.

You, in this case, are not John Egbert, nor are you Karkat Vantas. Rather, you are Dave Strider, and you're spending a rather abnormal amount of time on your hair.  
Never mind, this is entirely normal for you.  
You go over the events of the last year in your head as you prepare for the new grade. It's been an interesting year. You recall the first dance the school had had in February, their Valentines Day dance to which you took your girlfriend at the time, Terezi. It was at that point, specifically the point where the two of you were hanging out in the corner of the room and she stole a kiss, that you realized you had simply registered her as being pretty and having a nice personality and had added if all up as attraction. That proved not to be the case. In fact, it seemed you'd only ever felt what you determined was actual attraction in the case of a boy not yet fourteen towards other boys. You'd broken up with Terezi, needless to say, and now found yourself in somewhat of a pickle.

John had never done anything about Karkat's emotions. Before the dance, Karkat seemed to gain more of a hate-crush on John every day. You didn't really understand how someone could hate John, even romantically. He was just... kind of adorable if you had to be honest. It's like hating a puppy. Who hates puppies? Not Dave Strider, but apparently Karkat.

Before the dance, Karkat seemed to be crushing harder on John each day. However, you think it was in late March when the feeling seemed to fade, slowly but surely. He stopped being an extravagant asshole to John, or rather evened his asshole-mess out with that that was provided to any other person he talked to. You'd thought it was good at the time— Karkat ceases having his little caliginous crush, they go back to being bros, and everything's great. At that point, though, was when Karkat started being nicer to John than normal.

You observed the subtle change almost the instant it began— okay, maybe that was an overstatement, but you did notice it; it didn't register until days later. Your friend group (which had grown considerably since the beginning of the year) had been walking to the lunchroom when John had tripped. He didn't fall, but instead all of his stuff went cascading to the floor. Rather than just make some sarcastic comment, Karkat instantly dropped to the floor to assist John. (While making a sarcastic comment.) Over the next few weeks, Karkat's good deeds had upscaled until he was even doing a lot of John's homework for him. That, however, was around the point that summer break had begun.  
You think Karkat talked to John more than you did over the summer. 

Other than that, several people had joined your group of friends, including several trolls and humans. It was surprising how much the troll population had grown at your school, but it isn't hurting anything. Tavros' older brother is kind of hot-  
Alright, Dave, that's enough.

Now, that pickle you're in. You'd spent time thinking about it, and through careful consideration for hours after your conversations, not to mention countless times rambles and metaphors had gotten out of control even when talking to yourself, you had determined one crippling thing.  
You definitely had a crush on John Egbert.

This was definitely a pickle that you weren't getting out of. And dammit, you're going to handle it as dramatically as possible. 

\---

Today is the day that you are going to tell John Egbert that your crush is red.  
No more hearts. No more subtle spades. You are going to corner him someplace quiet and without those fucking jocks and tell him that you want to date him. You're going to ask John out and you're going to be confident about it.

Who are you kidding? You're sweating just thinking of telling him.

You run a comb through your hair again in a feeble attempt to tame it before grabbing your bag and absconding out the door before your brother can catch you with another meaningless rant about triggers. You, as usual, arrive at the bus stop by the skin of your teeth and board with a sigh. You plop down in an empty seat near the back. In all likelihood no one will sit by you; people rarely do unless there's no room.  
At least, that's what you think until you hear a soft thump and an excited voice.  
"Hi! Mew name's Nepeta, what's yours?"  
You raise an eyebrow, turning your head to see another troll. She's a little shorter than you and is wearing a very interesting, cat themed outfit with an oversized green coat.

"Hey! I asked fur your name!"

You shake your head to clear it. "Er. Right. I'm Karkat, and why the fuck are you sitting here?"  
She legitimately pouts.  
"I don't know! I was looking fur a seat and and I saw you sitting here, looking pawsitively furlorn. Also, you're the only other troll on the bus. Why wouldn't I sit here?" You raise an eyebrow. This girl is obviously three things: hyperactive, too nice, and completely obsessed with cats.

You're not sure whether to be annoyed, angry or to feel sorry for her.  
"Whatever, go ahead and sit there. I'm not going to have a conversation with you, though. I've got my own group of assholes to do that with." As you requested, your seat remains silent, at least for the next half an hour. At that point, the cat-girl—Nepeta— starts talking again.  
"Oh mew gosh! Is that purrrrritty girl over there wearing cat ears on her head? That's so claw-ver!" She's bouncing up and down in the seat now. You twitch an eye in irritation, turning your head away from the window to face her.  
"Shut up."  
She narrows her eyes, you daresay, in a catlike manner. "Say paw-lease."

You grit your teeth. "No thanks. I'd rather rip out my own organs and eat them naked on the floor of a palace whilst singing an opera."  
She laughs.  
"That's purr-paw-strous!" You groan, burying your face into your arms against the window. This is going to be a long ride.  
The bus drives for another twenty minutes of grueling Nepe-talk before anything remotely interesting happens. That interesting event happens to be that something Nepeta says actually causes you to lift your head up from it's prison in between your arms and the seat in front of you.  
"Hey, another troll! Wait, _two!_ Karkat, don't look meow, but they're kinda cute!" Of course, when anyone says "don't look meow—"ahem— "don't look now," the natural instinct is to look in that general time period.

Today is the day more trolls show up.

You lift your head to see two other trolls whose symbols are the most peculiar things you've ever seen. It's not that the symbols themselves are strange, it's that the color is strange, and that's saying something considering you're a mutant. Both trolls— they appear to be related somehow— have a symbol resembling an H in a purplish pink color, almost... their blood _is_ fuschia. You don't think you've ever met a troll with fuschia blood in your life. At some point, in science, maybe, you were taught that fuschia was at the top of the 'now obsolete' hemospectrum. (You know from experience that the hemospectrum is anything but obsolete. That's one bit of troll culture you wish had been wiped out long before your birth.)

So in front of you stood two trolls of very uncommon blood, sea dwellers, it seemed. Both sat in the seat across from yours; definitely sisters, they obviously didn't know anyone else. You sat watching the nearest one, who appeared to be about your age; it was almost surreal. She didn't breath through her nose, and unlike the average land creature, her chest didn't rise and fall with every breath. Instead little shudders rippled through the pink lines on her neck, which through scratching through your brain you gathered were a type of gill that worked on both water and land. However, back on the side of life you really needed to pay attention to, Nepeta had begun chattering again and you had just arrived at school. 

You wait for the bus to roll to a stop in front of the school building, standing up right before it ceases movement. You shuffle along behind the other students, noting that the two sea dweller girls slip in behind Nepeta. You're fairly certain it's going to be an interesting year.

Which reminds you that today is the day you plan to tell John how you feel. 

\---

Today is the day you realize two things with a strangely small undertone of alarm, considering the circumstances.  
1\. There is a new troll who appears to be aiming to sit at your lunch table.  
2\. She's very cute.

She approaches your table cautiously, greeting the chattery group with a subtle wave of her hand. Compared to the beginning of seventh grade, when your table's welcome sign would have read "WELCOME TO HUMANVILLE, POPULATION: 4," it now consists of the original four as well as Karkat, Terezi, and several others by the names of Tavros, Sollux, and more recently Nepeta. Your group also includes a human girl named Aradia and creepy boy named Gamzee whom had Karkat claimed as his moirail soon after they had met. Despite this, you immediately respond that the girl can sit at your table, and she does.

"So, what's your name?" You ask her as you take a bite of John's cake. He used to divvy it up between the three other members of your table, but since the group began to grow he started to give it to a different person every day. That worked for you; a whole slice of cake was always better than a portion. However, some of the greedier members of your group had protested at first because they wouldn't be getting cake every day. 

"My name is Kanaya," the troll responds carefully. Maybe she wasn't being careful or guarded so much as annunciating her words more than the average person. The light tint of green over her delicate grey features tells you she's a jade blood.  
"I'm Rose. I hope it won't bother you if I name everyone?"  
"Not at all. In fact please go ahead I'm very curious." Her careful annunciation makes it easier to understand her, as she speaks quickly and neglects to pause where you're almost positive there should be a comma.

It takes you a moment to name everyone for her, and you find it unfortunate that you may have confused her. "My apoligies, there are quite a lot of names. You'll know everyone in time. I mean, if you stay at our table." Kanaya gives you a small smile.  
"I'm sure I'll be here for months to come." You smile back. You were right, this troll _is_ really cute. 

"So anyway," you start again as you finish the cake, "how are you liking it at this school? I understand that moving schools can be a huge adjustment, not to mention moving into an area like this. If you haven't noticed yet, many of our students aren't exactly friendly towards trolls." Your smile falters momentarily before reappearing as confidently as before.  
"It's actually been quite nice," she replies. "Not more than one or two students has looked at me in a strange manner and I have actually been complimented on my choice of dress. I do think that fashion is one of my strong points." You nod in agreement.  
"Your skirt is just lovely," you point out. She beams at this, and you think she may actually be glowing just a bit. "And the symbol on your shirt.. is that the Virgo zodiac sign? I know about troll's signs, but I do find it kind of amusing. All of the trolls we've met so far have had zodiac symbols for their sign." You laugh just a bit.  
"That is indeed quite curious," Kanaya laughs back. "Might I ask if you have a chumhandle? I'd like to be able to talk to you outside of school as well. I mean if it's not too much information to ask considering that we just met.. oh... fifteen minutes ago or so." You nod encouragingly, giving a word of approval before slipping a piece of paper out of your binder and pulling out a purplish pink pen to quickly write "tentacleTherapist" in your small, loopy handwriting. With a smile, Kanaya writes down a handle in similar handwriting, the same neat cursive; however, hers is more angular than loopy. The bell goes off then, and you quickly tear the paper in half, handing the troll the end with your chumhandle on it. Everyone stands up quickly, absconding to the hallways, but you're a bit slower as you read Kanaya's writing.  
grimAuxilatrix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to put it up there cause spoilers, but despite the looming johndave in this chapter, this is a johnkat story and will end that way!


	6. In Which Karkat Is Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat attempts romance. Dave succeeds at romance. Eridan tries to help, but kind of sucks at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES FINALLY AN UPD8!! I'm so sorry that this is so late, I've just been really lazy over Christmas break. But this chapter's extra long to make up for it!! Unfortunately nobody betaed as my betas are asleep, so there may be some typos and i'd appreciate them being pointed out. This was written over the last two weeks so wow.

Blue 5

Today is the day you fuck up.

You take a deep breath after lunch. It is time for math on the day that you, Karkat Vantas, plan to tell John Egbert, whom you have the next class with, something very important. This next hour, even these next few moments, could be life changing for the both of you. In fact, this will probably be the most important moment of your life thus far. Maybe even the most important of his. You, Karkat Vantas, are going to tell John Egbert that you have a huge fucking flushed crush on him and that he should totally kiss you.

Wow. You can't even restrain yourself in your own, silent pep talk. This is going to go _great._

You clutch your books tightly to your side and shove your free hand into one baggy pocket, discreetly wiping off your sweaty palm as you enter the room. The class is chatting it up as usual before the bell, and John's already arrived.. and dammit, he's talking to Rose. Looks like you're waiting.

Breath wooshes out of you in an angry sigh as you slide into your seat just as the bell rings. The teacher, some asshat named Mr. Slick, rambles on about some math concept you don't really care about. Probably just going over something you learned in seventh grade anyway. The class seems to drag on, and before long you've opened one of the notebooks previously designated for taking notes to doodle in. You absently scribble faces and objects until you realize you've blanked out enough to have not been noticing what you're drawing. On the formerly pristine page are drawings of everything from cats to your brother, even a few of Dave, but overall the most common drawing on the page is John. 

You've drawn him smiling, running, playing the piano; there are close ups of his eyes and face, there he is waving, and oh my god there in the corner you drew him kissing you—  
"Whatcha drawing there, Karkat?"  
You jump, waving your arms around in your flurry to cover the offending drawing. Suddenly you realize the bell had gone off at some point and John was wondering why you hadn't moved yet. You rip out the page, shoving it haphazardly into a random folder.   
"Nothing. Nothing that's any of your business anyway." You have to do it now. This may be your last chance today and you don't know if you can bring yourself to do it tomorrow. 

Despite the fact that he has PE next while you have art, both of which are on opposite ends of the school, he walks with you. _Ugh, Egbert. The fact that you are fucking adorable is making this harder than it is._ "So, uh, Egbert, I need to tell you something. Don't fucking laugh, this is important." God, you hope he can't hear your heartbeat. You certainly can. It's pounding against your rib cage like some rabid animal trying to get out. Incredibly annoying and slightly unsettling.  
John looks down at you, big blue eyes questioning. He looks so innocent in this moment, smiling with those ridiculous buck teeth peaking out over his soft lips and you really just want to stand up on your toes and-   
You can't do it.  
"I.. er, I uh.." You trail off. "Oh, wow, has it already been four minutes? Gotta get to art, sorry John!  
You abscond, feeling more sorry for yourself than ever.

\---

Today is the day you simultaneously make the best and worst decision ever.

"Hey, John!" you call, a little more loudly than necessary. You're gonna be fine, this'll be easy. You are David Elizabeth Strider, coolest motherfucker to walk since your bro himself, and today is the day you're going to inform the biggest dork to ever walk the planet of just how much you have wanted to kiss him for, oh, six months or so.

The Egbert in question turns his head to face you, shifting his books to his side and raising an eyebrow in question. Holy shit, why is he so cute? You run what you planned on saying through your head one more time.. wait, what was it you planned on saying? You've been thinking about it all day, how could you possibly forget at the most critical moment? _Hey, John, have I ever told you how cute you are?_ No, that wasn't it. _Bro. Do me a huge favor and be my boyfriend._ That _definitely_ wasn't it.

"Dave. Daaaave? You okay, dude?"

Crap, you blanked out. You emerge back into reality at John's prompt. "Uh, yeah, I'm good."   
He does that thing again, the adorable thing where he raises one eyebrow in a questioning arch and the other swoops down in one deep black dip. His eyes glimmer behind his glasses and you almost legitimately giggle. "What was it you wanted?"

Your breathing quickens and you panic. This was a terrible idea, absolutely terrible. You scratch the back of your neck, sputtering for a moment as you're unable to form any words. John laughs at you, not meanly, that cute, giggly laugh that tells you that you amuse him. "Spit it out, Strider!"   
"Okay John, you know I've known you for a long time and all and you're my best bro, and you've always been my best bro, right? And you're super nice to me and everyone else which makes you pretty much the best guy ever, and you really are the most awesome guy I know. And you tell the best jokes— no, seriously, no matter how stupid I tell you they are, I love your jokes, man. Even the ones that _are_ really dumb. And your stupid grin. Those teeth poking out at me always light up my day. And those fucking _eyes._ " You pause, taking a breath. "Well.. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've got a huge fucking crush on you."

John stands agape in front of you, mouth dropped open in surprise. You think you might have overwhelmed him just a bit.. Maybe you really should've just asked him out.  
"Uh.. Dave, I..."

The bell rings, and you have no choice but to duck into the gym. You quickly sit down in the stands, eyes downcast. You fucked it up, didn't you. John wouldn't even want to be your bro now, your whole friendship was ruined. You don't notice the figure in that familiar blue hoodie sit down next to you in silence. Not a sound passes from him to you until he speaks, causing you to jump.

"Hey, Dave?"  
You don't sit up, but you turn your head to look up at him, red face shielded by your sunglasses. "What?" That came out a little more harshly that planned.  
"So, uh, what you were asking back there.. Were you.. Were you asking me out?"  
You give him a brief, almost imperceivable nod.  
"Dave?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I guess I could give it a shot."  
\--

You are Karkat Vantas and you are probably the angriest intelligent being alive right now, like holy shit wow. 

You're sitting next to John at lunch after having failed yesterday's mission, and John is holding Dave's hand under the table. Code red, they are holding hands, you repeat, holding hands under a fucking table. If this were a rom-com you'd be crying with joy, but this is, in fact, your life, and that is, in fact, a boy whom you claimed forever ago. In fact, you'd actually expressed this to Dave, whom you trusted only because he enjoyed watching you fall apart at the blue eyed boy's obliviousness. (The story of that, however, is another tale, involving more heart-to-hearts at sleepovers and less wanting to kill the aforementioned Texan.)

Dave is holding hands with John and there's little to nothing you can do about it.

It will be later, in cooking (it was your last elective and you were half asleep when you picked it, okay?), that you can finally confront Dave. Unfortunately, before the aforementioned class you have art. Ordinarily you'd be at least relatively excited. However, today you are wishing to strangle a certain Strider and having matesprit troubles- and there's a very specific troll whom you know will be bothering you about it.

There's a substitute teacher today, and she informs you that today is basically free-draw day as she was not given an assignment for you all. That means you'll be drawing, and your subject will likely be John.

This also means Eridan will be painting, and his subject will be whatever goes on in his head as he questions you. 

"Hey, Kar," the taller troll greets you. You groan as you pick up a pencil, beginning to sketch the outline of a face. You don't respond other than that.  
"Kaaaar," he drags out, not pronouncing the r. He's got some stupid accent from an island inhabited by only seadwellers. Not only that, but he's giving you just about the shittiest nickname ever. 

"Yeah, what the fuck do you want you insolent chumbucket?" The violetblood doesn't bat an eye at the insult. It's become a pretty normal dynamic between the two of you. 

"It's pretty obwious to me that you're hawin' some issues of the romantic wariety." That stupid fucking accent. "So, Kar, is it a black crush? Or are you hawin' troubles with that John kid again? You could alw-ways date _me_ to make him jealous, ya'know." He wiggles his eyebrows at you. You roll your own yellow and grey eyes, beginning to sketch in the hair as he paints in a few lines of pink onto the page. 

"No, Eridouche, I never have not will I ever flush for you. Or wish to be in any quadrant with you, for that matter. If you really need to know, yes, I'm having an _issue_ with John. He's dating Strider, king of assholes, and I don't know how I'm going to fix this 'issue.'

"Oh?" Eridan sounds genuinely curious now. You have to give him credit. "He's datin' Dawe? W-what's your ewidence?" You groan, giving up. Eridan is here to ruin the day with his romantic advice.  
"They held hands under the table at lunch. And Dave _knew._ He fucking knows I'm horns over heels for the a-fucking-dorable idiot that is John Egbert."

"John is pretty cute," Eridan muses. You feel like slapping him, but you instead make more pencilmarks, curving in two large, round eyes.   
"You bet he is, asshat. And he's mine, thank you _wery_ much." Instead of growing angry at your mockery, he just grins. Fucking _asshole._

"W-well it's not like you're ewer goin' to ask him out," he points out. "Dawe beat ya' to it. W-want to make him jealous?" He gives a sly smile as he swirls some black onto the page, and you debate slapping him for real this time. 

"No thanks. Do you have any _real_ advice?" You've finished two big, shining eyes and realize you've drawn in a pair of glasses too. Of course it's John. Who else would it be?

"W-well, if you really w-want my help.."  
"Don't try to make yourself seem superior. I'll take my counsel to Rose and have her dissect my think pan like a depressed amphibian in biology. Do you want that for me, Eridan? Do you want my think pan to be a depressed amphibian?" You narrow your eyes accusingly at him, one eyebrow twitching in irritation.

He looks at you with surprising sympathy. "Tell him how ya' feel. It can't really hurt, can it? John's a nice guy, he'll understand ewen if he doesn't reciprocate or try to reciprocate or w-whatewer. W-what's he doin with Dawe again?"

"I don't know the details," you groan. "I just saw them sitting disgustingly close and holdin' hands- oh, fuck, your stupid accent is rubbing off on me. Stop that, I don't think it's good to my health." He laughs at that, and you spend a while in silence. He draws, you paint.   
The murmurs from your other classmates for once don't infuriate you, and it fades to a hum in the back of your mind as you begin to shade your drawing's face. Rounded angle for a chin, similar shapes at the cheeks, a dimpled grin with oversized teeth. You're drawing John again, of course.   
You shade in his dark skin, careful to put shadows in the right places to convey the contours of his face. His hair comes next, and you darken it, leaving spaces for the shining highlights on the soft locks that you've wanted to touch for a long time. You glance over at what Eridan is doing. It appears he's painted the new girl, some troll by the name of Feferi. When you saw her you knew he would at least like her. If you know anything about seadwellers, it's that they stick together.

"Nice painting," you comment quietly. "Love the hair." He jumps, a slight purple rising to his cheeks at the compliment.   
"Oh, thanks, Kar. Of course it's good, I painted it, after all." You roll your eyes as he reverts to his 'perfect me' dynamic.  
"I was just starting to get used to you, fucking asshole." Eridan laughs.

"But seriously, Kar, you need to do something about this thing w-with John." You sigh, nodding in reluctant agreement as you produce some folds for John's shirt. "I know, I know. I'm going to.. confront Dave later. Trust me, I've got it all taken care of."  
"So w-what's the plan, low-wblood?"  
"I'm going to wing it."

He laughs again, this time with a wince. "You're fuckin' kiddin' me."

You shake your head angrily, looking up from your drawing. "No, I'm not! I can do this. I'll ask Dave just what the fuck he thinks he's doin- argh, doing- and work it out with that idiot. I swear, he gets much worse and I'll be black for him." Eridan rolls his eyes, smirking.  
"Yeah, because you need that much trouble with humans in two quadrants. Honestly, you should pursue something w-with Ter at some point. Nep says you two w-would make a _great_ couple." He wiggles his eyebrows. Wow, he's already given the oliveblood girl a nickname. He gets around fast.

"Nepeta and Terezi. Imagine some stupid little asterisks by both of those names, because I am correcting your terrible nickname skills. Seriously, do you and Sollux have some sort of Bad Nickname Club going on? Is Terezi-Karkat is Karkles for some reason-Pyrope in on it too? Is this thing just some subdivision of Rainbow Rumpus Asshole Factory because that is what it's beginning to look like." He laughs again, and you're getting pretty tired of it. "Whatever. I guess you don't have any more advice so I'll just finish my drawing. Have fun drawing New Girl or Fef or FF or Feffles or whatever the fuck." As planned, you return to John, managing to finish the drawing by the end of the class. 

Finally the bell rings and it's time for cooking, and your grumpy demeanor returns as you remember your mission to destroy Dave Strider. After gathering your supplies and the drawing you cross the hall, half stomping into the room, and sit down in your seat. You glare at the spot next to you in which you know Dave will be sitting. He enters moments later, giving a hardly visible nod as a greeting. Like he doesn't know.

He slouches into the chair next to you and predictably begins to fall asleep behind his glasses. You are having none of his shit. The bell hasn't rung yet and you are going to call him put on the fact that he completely stole the boy that was _your_ flushed crush and that _you_ were going to date. Yours. Wow, you are not sure how to feel about the fact that you are claiming John like this.

"Strider."  
One eye blinks open. You obviously have not said his name correctly.  
"You bulgemunching, footlicking sack of rotting shit reminiscent of a 45 sweep old hoofbeast's load gaper 6 sweeps after his untimely demise."

Dave opens both eyes at that. "What do you want, Kitkat?" You groan at the nickname, but you have more important business to attend to.

"Are my glance nuggets playing tricks on me or some shit like that? Because if I'm not mistaken, you, mister coolkid and ultimate lord of all that is 'human gay,' were holding hands with John Angrily-Adorable Egbert under the table at lunch today. Tell me, _Strider_ , do my eyes fucking deceive me or are you now dating _my_ flush crush?" There you go with the 'my' again. Are you really that bad? Shit.

"Can you really blame me? Honestly, you're more clueless than the Egderp himself. How many times have you described how _perfect_ he is and I agreed? Clueless as fuck. That's you, Kitkat. Egbert in all his nerdiness is hot and now he's my boyfriend. Congratulations, you fucked up. Shoulda made your move." You grit your teeth together. Was he _planning_ this rant? No, his rambles typically went based on improv. At least you got that out of him- a ridiculous ramble rather than one curt coolkid sentence.

You're standing to reach his height; even in sitting you hardly breach it. In your opinion the asshole's whole life has been a growth spurt. He's five feet, nine I nches and it's completely unfair. This year, however, you proudly hit 5 feet. It's pretty pathetic how excited you got upon discovering this. You wouldn't dare measure yourself at home, lest Kankri break into a rant about how terrible it is to judge yourself based on height. No, you were measured in PE, and started yelling to Vriska about how you'd finally reached said height. (Stupid spiderbitch, five foot eight. It was completely unfair. Nonetheless you two still have a weird, confusing friendship filled with casual blackflirting.)   
Your teeth clench uncomfortably, but it's better than the time you bit into your lip upon an insult, not anticipating the flow of blood from your sharp troll teeth. "Strider, you fucking suck."

The bell rings and you are left to wallow in self-pity as you and Dave fashion a disgusting concoction that he dubs 'The Sorrow Of A Troll With Boyfriend Troubles.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would anyone like to hear me voice acting karkat saying the whole think pan amphibian thing
> 
> also if you'd like to be a beta for Tis let me know!! I could always use the help <3


	7. Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad news sends our two valiant love interests into a spiral of doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original text:
> 
> Alright, so I haven't updated in what... Three whole months? I feel really bad. But I've been trying to make the chapters longer, as in 3000+ words apiece. The next chapter is at around 1000-1500 words and I have no idea where to go from here! So I'm just wondering if the amazing people who've been keeping me going on Blue would rather have a short, slightly inconclusive chapter, or wait a little longer for a longer one?  
> -  
> I ended up with a chapter that was both longer and kind of inconclusive. The wnding is slightly anti climatic.

Today is the day you take Eridan's advice.  
For the first time in your life, that is, and that explains why it's so notable.   
You enter the commons area of the school building after getting off the bus, leaving the talkative oliveblood who's taken to sitting by you behind. Nepeta can wait– besides, she's got Feferi to talk to, and Aradia.  
It has been exactly a week since the date that you noticed John and Dave holding hands under the table. On Wednesday, they'd informed your friend group of their status as a couple. You hadn't smiled, but didn't strangle Dave and/or John either. On Thursday, Dave began walking John to his classes. You, at that time, began tripping Dave in the hallway. On Friday, Dave managed to make John the subject of at least 10 of his nerdy photos.   
You're basically really tired of this shit.  
It's Tuesday again, and you're viciously scanning the area for John. You know for a fact Dave always gets here 'fashionably late'– also known as 'I wake up at seven and want to cover it up with some coolkid shtick.' You honestly don't know how people believe that shit. Underneath the 'cool' guy he forces himself to be, Strider is ten layers of lovingly crafted asshole and total dork mixed into a piece of artwork rivaling classics at the same time as it destroys the eyes of anyone who dares to look upon it. He's also a piece of artwork who stole your flushed crush, and you're going to destroy him.  
As anticipated, you finally see John sitting at a table alone. He's the only one of your friend group that gets here this early, besides you– despite how long the bus ride seems to take, the driver gets you there before anyone else. He's tapping away at something on his phone, though you guess by the pattern he's playing a game rather than texting. You pull your backpack strap a bit higher up on your shoulder and approach him hurriedly.  
"So," you begin, announcing your presence. "That's it? You're dating Dave now?" He blinks, tapping a few more times before you hear a few beeps signaling game over. John looks up at you, pushing his phone into his hoodie's pocket.  
"Yeah, that's what we told you," he nods, seeming slightly confused. One eyebrow arches up slightly, questioning you silently.  
"That's it. No more no homos. No more rolling your eyes or telling me to 'shut up, dad'll hear' when I talk about a cute or infuriating guy. No more flirting back and fourth with the spiderbitch." You cross your arms across your chest, arching a eyebrow in an attempt at mocking him. You think you're subconsciously wondering about how to capture that expression in a drawing.  
"Yeah, I think so. That was all pretty childish, you know? And Dave sort of opened up my world for me-"  
You slam a hand down on the table, briefly startling a small group of seventh graders. Maybe you're not being fair but dammit, it just wasn't _fair._ Why'd he have to be so perfect? Standing in front of you with that soft mess of hair and those big shiny eyes, in that hoodie-- oh, you love that hoodie. It's warm and it's big and it smells like him and you may or may not have stolen it for a week after staying over at his house.   
It's not fair that he's so perfect and right here, but so far out of reach.  
"Dave opened it up for you?" you half snarl. "Dave showed you what it's like? Dave tutored you for every test you stayed up till two AM nervous about? Dave hugged you, let you cry into his shoulder off and on for three hours after the car crash? Dave constantly tells you what a good person you are, even if he does it in a subtle way, especially when you're sitting in a pathetic pile of self pity? Dave has hinted occasionally that maybe being bi-curious or whatever could be a good idea? Dave's been hiding an enormous flushed crush on you for over a year, doodling you in his notebook, having you as the subject of his art projects and wondering how in the eyeball blistering fuck he's going to tell you that in human terms he's _in love with you?_ "  
Your voice, surprisingly enough, has hardly risen above it's normal level. That's good. You were probably going to die if anyone had heard that besides John, whose mouth is agape and eyes are widened.  
"Karkat.. I.."  
 _Riiiiiiing._  
The bell goes off. You spin away from him, absconding off to English.  
\--  
Today is the day you have conflicting feelings for your best friends.  
You wonder for a moment if Karkat remembers that you have English together. Clearly he's forgotten in his.. anger? Exasperation? You're not sure. In spite of this, you hurry to your locker (also next to his), dump off your backpack and head to said class. You walk in behind Karkat and take a seat, looking pointedly at him.   
He makes an effort not to meet your gaze.  
This goes on throughout the entire class. Karkat refuses to look at you the entire time. You're not sure what you would do if he _did_ look at you, if he  _did_ talk to you. It isn't like you have a solution to his whole debacle. In all honesty, you have no idea what to do at all. In the last couple of weeks you've discovered that two of your best bros are... _in love with you._ The thought is strange. Could they both really use such a strong phrase so soon? You're all only 14; there's so much time to determine whether things like being in love are a fleeting thought or just misconceptions.  
The bell rings and you stand up, starting to make your way towards Karkat, but he's already gathered his things up to his chest and is now fleeing the room. You sigh in frustration, but is there really anything you can do? You suppose you'll have to figure that out during the next two classes, because you don't have another class with Karkat until Study Hall. Unfortunately, that class is also shared by pretty much everyone you know.  
\--  
Today is probably the most embarrassing day of your life.  
You couldn't look at John throughout the entirety of English. You've probably never done something so stupid in your lifetime, and you're cursing yourself for it right now. How could you be such an idiot? Were you really so selfish as to ruin John's happy relationship with Dave for the sake of your own flushed crush?  
You wish you could just let it blow over. You've probably ruined your friendship.  
Defeated, you make your way to History, realizing suddenly that Dave will be there. The enlightenment brings a sudden reluctance to each footstep, furthered by the fact that you don't need to go to your locker for your textbook. Luckily, you know Dave will be late, and won't have a chance to confront you. John's probably already told him about your horrifying outburst. It doesn't cross your mind that John doesn't have any classes with Dave until Study Hall.  
You rip a piece of paper out of your notebook as you sit down, sighing as you begin to sketch. You don't bother to try denying that it's John again as you draw in his eyes. You really love his eyes.   
Dave makes it in just as the bell rings, sitting down at his desk and nodding to you. You're slightly confused, but shrug back, listening to the teacher open up his lesson on.. something, you can't say you're paying attention at all. Instead you observe Dave for signs of wanting to kill you. He's not exhibiting any, really, but you're almost laughing to yourself as you watch him text and play Trivia Crack under the table. He always wins. Dave knows a lot of useless stuff– you're pretty sure it's all that's rattling around in his brain.   
You're suddenly given an assignment to read a few pages, and of course it's your _favorite_ thing; you have to read with the person sitting next to you. That person just so happens to be Dave Motherfucking Strider, who just so happens to be John Cuteforbrains Egbert's boyfriend. Needless to say, this is not a favorable turn of events.  
Surprisingly enough, he doesn't say anything about you and John. You realize two things: He knows about your crush on John, and John couldn't have told him about the outburst. You proceed to feel like an idiot.   
\---  
You are now John Egbert, and it is time for Study Hall.  
Every day, this is infamously a time where your entire extended friend group gathers in the library or cafeteria and proceeds to make idiots out of themselves. Paper airplanes are thrown, gossip is gossiped and Eridan flirts with everyone. It's fairly entertaining, but more importantly, it's the perfect opportunity to talk to Karkat. You've decided what you plan on doing. It pains you, to be honest. You're going to break things off with Dave and not date anyone until high school. It'll work out better for everyone.  
Now the matter at hand is getting Karkat and Dave cornered. Getting them together isn't difficult– they have a class together before study hall, you can't remember which, and often walk to the library side by side. You wait by the door, eyes narrowed and leaning against the wall.   
 _Agent Egbert. Come in, Egbert.  
Yes sir?  
The target has been spotted. Commence operation Get Rid Of Drama._   
Boy, you can make light of the worst situations.  
Karkat and Dave entire the library and you immediately greet them. There is no escape for Karkat now. Dave raises an eyebrow in question. "Come on, guys, this is important," you declare in a whisper. Gotta follow library rules.  
The three of you abscond to the empty Biography section of the library.   
"What's this about, Egbert?" spits Karkat. There's more venom in his speech than usual– even Dave notices, you note, as the blond's eyes widen behind his sunglasses. Maybe that speech this morning affected him more than you thought.   
"Well... you guys are my bros, right? My pals, my homies, my besties-"  
"John, please stop. I might puke."  
You laugh a bit. Karkat is adorable sometimes. "Okay, yeah. You guys are my best friends, you know that. And as of.. uh.. recent circumstances it looks like that could change! I don't want it to change. No matter what, I want us all to keep being friends."  
"Please skip the semantics, drama queen."  
You roll your eyes at Karkat.   
"Well.. the circumstances I mentioned happened to be.. actually I think you both know about... that you both have... feelings? For me. And I don't think it's a good idea to, how should I phrase this, favor one of you."  
"John?"  
It's Dave who speaks this time. You swallow. (You're only 13. How can this stuff be so emotional?)  
"I don't think I want to date anyone until high school."  
\---  
Today is a pretty sad day in general.  
It is Saturday, to be specific, and you, alongside Dave, are having an ice cream and rom-com marathon party. Which is to say, you are mourning the loss of a great cause for many romantic endeavors. That cause is, or was, John Egbert, whom you both valiantly pursued but were unable to enjoy fully as he is vowing to not engage in romantic practices until high school.  
You may not have forgiven Dave yet, but he's really the only one you can share your grief with, and you both have gotten past the point of argument by now. You sit with your knees hugged close to your chest, shoved into the corner of the couch by Dave, who's made a point of sprawling out and taking up as much space as he can. You're on your second tub of ice cream (Dave is on his fifth, his metabolism amazes you) when you finally say something.   
"Dave, do you think we should move on?" you ask, more for the sake of saying something than to actually pursue an answer to this mess, though that may be an option. The blonde lifts his head off the armrest, looking at you dejectedly through his sunglasses.   
"Is that really an option at this point, Kitkat?" he deadpans, raising one pale eyebrow in an arc above his sunglasses. "We both fell pretty hard for the nerd. I did a graceful fucking ballerina spin off the edge of this cliff, a perfect nosedive into the disgustingly sweet smelling waters of Egbert-Crush, but you take the cake, my friend. You were in this churning hate river with the guy and somehow you got unceremoniously flopped down the waterfall into this atrocious bandwagon before I did. Hell, I-"  
"Dave," you interrupt exasperatedly. "Please don't make me sit through another headcrushing, earbleeding hour-long metaphor about how glorious Egderp is or how deep the shit we're in is when you can just grace the world with the glorious vocabulary of the average kid our age and say: this sucks."   
Taken aback slightly, Dave nods. "Amen."  
It's another three hours of cheesy rom-coms, ice dream and tears when Dave throws his arms up in irritation. "I can't do this. I'm fucking done with these people and their perfect romance and their straightness. Let's _do_ something."  
One argument about the amazing theatrical masterpieces that are your favorite genre later, you're digging around in a cabinet for board games.  
"Chutes and Ladders?"  
"I'm all for irony, Karkles, but are we really going to stoop that low?"  
You almost whip your head around to glare at him for using Terezi's atrocious nickname for you, but instead list more board games you own. Seriously, what is your parent (well, not really) doing?  
"Battleship, chess, checkers, uno, I have a deck of cards-"  
"Let's just play go fish," he suggests, his voice giving away that he's giving up.  
You spend the rest of the afternoon go-fishing.


End file.
